‘Sexy’ Costume Veto Committee Holds Emergency Session Over Office ‘Sexy Accountant’ Outbreak

DES MOINES — The city’s “Sexy” Costume Veto Committee convened an emergency session Monday after no fewer than eleven (11) employees of the same accounting firm arrived at the downtown Halloween mixer dressed as “sexy accountants.”

“Eleven,” said committee chairwoman Deborah Fisk, massaging her temples. “Eleven sexy accountants. Same firm. They carpooled. They had a group chat. One of them brought a calculator with the numbers bedazzled. The bedazzling took, by her own admission, six hours.”

The outbreak began when the firm’s office manager, in a memo staff have since described as “fateful,” suggested a group costume theme of “sexy professionals.” What followed, per the committee’s incident report, was “a cascade of escalating sexiness” that consumed the firm’s entire October: the sexy HR rep, the sexy IT guy (“he just wore his normal clothes but unbuttoned one extra button,” the report notes), and, finally, the sexy managing partner, whose costume consisted of “a suit, but make it felt.”

The Veto Committee, empowered under the city’s Modest Merriment framework, reviewed each costume against the Suggestiveness Index. Ten of the eleven scored between 5.2 and 6.8 — “flirtatious to concerning,” per the official ratings. The eleventh, the managing partner, scored a 3.1. “The felt suit was, frankly, confusing rather than sexy,” Fisk said. “We gave him a pass and a pamphlet.”

The firm has been ordered to attend a committee workshop titled “Group Costumes: A Cautionary Seminar,” covering theme selection, the dangers of group chats, and “the bedazzling threshold.”

“We’re not saying don’t have fun,” Fisk said. “We’re saying eleven people from the same firm cannot all be sexy accountants at the same mixer. It’s a fire hazard. Emotionally.”

The firm’s managing partner declined to comment, but confirmed the firm is already planning next year’s theme. “We’re thinking ‘sexy auditors,'” he said. “We’re workshopping it.”

Fisk closed the session with a warning: “We will be watching. We are always watching. The committee sees all.”