Costume Donation Board Launches ‘Adopt-a-Witch-Hat’ Program for Underfunded Community Theaters

DUNMORE — The Tri-County Costume Donation Logistics Board announced Monday the launch of its “Adopt-a-Witch-Hat” program, matching surplus Halloween costume inventory with underfunded community theaters across the region.

“We have hats,” said Dana Whitfield, the board’s Director of Secondhand Spook Logistics. “Theaters need hats. This is the rare government program where the supply chain is simply: we have too many of a thing, and someone else needs the thing. It is beautiful in its simplicity. It is the only beautiful thing about having four thousand pirate hats.”

The program’s initial catalog lists 2,100 witch hats — “ranging from ‘classic crone’ to ‘glamorous sorceress’ to one labeled simply ‘aggressive’” — alongside 400 pirate hats held in reserve after the parrot rescue’s adoption, 600 sexy-tax-accountant ensembles “with priority placement for business-themed productions,” and what Whitfield described as “a concerning number of inflatable dinosaur costumes, which we are listing under ‘avant-garde.’”

Theaters apply through Adoption Form AH-1, specifying their production, their hat requirements, and “a brief statement of need, which we read aloud at the meeting and which has made volunteers cry twice.” Approved theaters receive their hats free of charge, along with a certificate of adoption and a pamphlet titled “Caring for Your Previously Loved Hat.”

The program’s first adoption was completed Friday, when the Dunmore Community Players claimed fourteen witch hats for their spring production of “Macbeth.” “The witches’ scenes will now feature fourteen witches,” said the troupe’s director. “Shakespeare wrote three. We have fourteen hats. The text will be adjusted. The hats have spoken.”

Not all inventory moves so easily. The board reports “soft demand” for its collection of 300 “sexy bumblebee” costumes — “the theater community has been polite but clear” — and has listed the pirate hat surplus under a standing offer: “Take as many as you want. Please. We are begging, professionally.”

Whitfield said the program’s deeper mission is changing how the region thinks about costume waste. “A costume worn once is not garbage,” she said. “It is a performance waiting for a second act. Except the pirate hats. The pirate hats are a cry for help, and we are answering it one community theater at a time.”

The board will host an adoption fair next month, where theater directors may browse the inventory in person. “Come try on hats,” Whitfield said. “Bring your cast. The dinosaur costumes are surprisingly flattering. That is not a joke — we have the photos, and the photos do not lie.”