Gas Price Grievance Tribunal Hears 9,000 Complaints, Blames ‘Vibes’

The Gas Price Grievance Tribunal concluded its annual pre-Thanksgiving session Friday, hearing 9,000 complaints from drivers and issuing a landmark finding: the cause of high gas prices is, officially, “vibes.”

“We reviewed supply data, demand data, refinery capacity, and geopolitical factors,” said Tribunal Chair Judge Denise Kowalski, 58, reading the 200-page finding from a bench flanked by charts nobody in the gallery understood. “And after exhaustive analysis, the tribunal concludes that the primary driver of gas prices is vibes. Bad vibes. The vibes are off, and the prices reflect that.”

The tribunal, established to give drivers “a formal venue for their feelings about the pump,” heard testimony over five days. Witnesses included a trucker who drove 400 miles on what he called “spite and fumes,” a grandmother who compared current prices to 1972 “when gas was cheap and the vibes were immaculate,” and an economist who spoke for 40 minutes before the tribunal thanked him and “returned to the vibes framework.”

“People want an explanation they can use at the pump,” Kowalski said. “Nobody standing at a gas station at midnight has ever said, ‘Ah yes, crack spreads.’ But everyone understands vibes. You feel the vibes when the price flips past a round number. That’s economics you can feel in your chest.”

The tribunal’s recommendations include a national “Vibe Improvement Initiative” — details pending — and a requirement that gas stations display, alongside the price, a “Vibe Rating” from one to five gas pumps. “Transparency,” Kowalski said. “If the vibes are a two out of five, at least you know going in.”

Drivers were divided. “Finally, someone said it,” said Marcus Webb, 36, filling his tank at $3.89 a gallon. “I’ve been saying it’s vibes for years. My brother-in-law said it was OPEC. Who’s laughing now, Kevin?” Others were skeptical. “It’s not vibes,” said one driver, gesturing at the price sign. “It’s $3.89. That’s not a vibe. That’s a number.”

The tribunal will reconvene after the holidays to assess whether Thanksgiving travel “improved the vibes or merely distributed them across state lines.” Kowalski was optimistic: “Nothing fixes vibes like pie. The Pie Corridor people have the right idea.”