Car Dashboard Clock Summit Ends in Deadlock; 12 of 14 Clocks Refuse to Recognize the Hour

A summit of the region’s 14 car dashboard clocks ended in deadlock Tuesday, with 12 of the 14 clocks refusing to recognize the November 1 fall-back and two ‘just blinking, which we interpret as a protest.’

The summit, convened in the parking lot of the county annex, brought together dashboard clocks from vehicles ranging from a 2003 sedan (‘Gerald Jr.’) to a 2024 SUV whose clock ‘sets itself via satellite and has an attitude about it.’

‘The older clocks are the problem,’ said summit mediator Dale Pruitt. ‘They have three buttons, no labels, and a deep mistrust of change. You press one button, the hour changes. You press another, the minute changes. You press the third, and the radio switches to AM talk. Nobody knows why.’

The two compliant clocks — both from vehicles manufactured after 2020 — agreed to fall back automatically but were ‘booed by the older units,’ according to Pruitt’s official minutes.

A proposed compromise, in which the older clocks would ‘just be wrong for a while and nobody would mention it,’ was rejected 12-2, with one clock abstaining ‘by continuing to blink.’

Pruitt has scheduled a follow-up summit for March, ‘when we do this all again, but angrier.’ In the meantime, drivers are advised to ‘do the math in their heads, like pioneers.’