Inflatable Reindeer Zoning Board Grants Variance for 9-Foot Reindeer, Denies Matching 9-Foot Sleigh

The Inflatable Reindeer Zoning Board granted homeowner Marcus Webb a variance for his 9-foot inflatable reindeer Thursday, but denied his companion application for a matching 9-foot sleigh, ruling that “a reindeer without a sleigh is whimsy, but a sleigh without a driver is a liability.”

“The reindeer is approved. The reindeer is lovely,” said board chair Harlan Briggs. “But the sleigh application proposed an open-air passenger compartment with no restraints, no lighting, and — according to the applicant’s own diagram — seating for ‘approximately six elves, flexible.’ This board cannot in good conscience approve flexible elf seating.”

Webb, who had his 14-foot Santa rejected last month as “structurally ambitious,” accepted the split decision with mixed emotions. “The reindeer gets to live,” he said. “But a reindeer pulling nothing is just standing there. It’s a very large, very illuminated deer doing nothing. The sleigh gave him purpose.”

The board’s written decision devoted 9 of its 22 pages to the sleigh question. Engineers found that the proposed sleigh, when fully inflated, would create a “wind shadow” behind the reindeer, causing what the report called “aerodynamic confusion” in gusts above 20 miles per hour. “The reindeer would lean left. The sleigh would lean right. The extension cord would do something we can only describe as interpretive,” Briggs said.

Board member Diane Kowalski proposed a compromise — a 6-foot sleigh, enclosed, with what she called “modest elf capacity” — but the motion failed 3-2. “Six feet is a sleigh for ants,” Webb muttered, a comment stricken from the official record at his request.

In a consolation, the board approved Webb’s application for two 3-foot inflatable candy canes to flank the reindeer, finding them “structurally trivial and emotionally essential.” Webb’s display — reindeer plus candy canes, minus sleigh — is scheduled for inflation on December 1st.

The two 3-foot candy canes were installed flanking the reindeer in a ceremony Webb described as “small but dignified,” attended by his wife, his dog, and Edna Marsh, 78, who brought cookies. Webb has filed his revised site plan — reindeer, candy canes, no sleigh — with the county clerk. “The clerk stamped it,” Webb said. “She said, ‘Nine feet of reindeer, two canes, zero sleighs.’ I said, ‘That’s the dream, more or less.’ She said, ‘Dreams require permits.’ She’s right. She stamped it anyway.”

“It’s not the North Pole,” Webb said, reviewing his revised site plan. “But it’s my front yard. And the reindeer is nine feet of pure, variance-approved joy.”