Office Halloween Party Committee Requires Potluck Sign-Up by October 1; It Is Already October

CHICAGO-ADJACENT — The Office Halloween Party Committee has announced that the deadline for potluck sign-ups was October 1, a fact the committee shared with staff on October 14, in an email with the subject line “REMINDER (FINAL) (PLEASE).”

“We sent the first email September 20th,” said committee chairwoman Deborah Fisk, producing a printed copy of an email nobody remembers receiving. “It went to spam. The second one went to the wrong distribution list — it went to the Denver office. The Denver office signed up. They don’t even work here. They signed up for seven (7) crockpots.”

The sign-up sheet — a shared spreadsheet titled “HALLOWEEN POTLUCK 2026 (OFFICIAL) (v4 FINAL)” — currently lists 34 attendees and 41 desserts. “We have eleven (11) people bringing brownies,” Fisk said. “Eleven. We have zero people bringing plates. Zero plates. The Denver office was supposed to bring plates. The Denver office doesn’t work here.”

The committee’s rules are strict: sign-ups after October 1 are “strongly discouraged,” after October 15 “frowned upon,” and after October 20 “will be assigned a dish.” Three employees who missed the deadline have been assigned “ice” — “a 20-pound bag, each,” Fisk said. “We need 60 pounds of ice. I don’t know why. The spreadsheet says so.”

Morale is mixed. “I signed up September 22nd,” said analyst Greg Tillman, who is bringing “a veggie tray, the sad kind, from the grocery store.” “I did everything right. And now I’m sitting next to eleven brownies with no plates, eating off a napkin. This is fine. Everything is fine.”

The committee has also mandated costumes “encouraged but not required,” a decorating subcommittee (“we need volunteers — we have one volunteer, she’s doing everything”), and a playlist, for which 200 songs have been suggested and zero approved.

“The party is October 30th,” Fisk said, staring at the spreadsheet. “We have brownies. We have ice. We have Denver’s crockpots, which are not coming. It’ll be great. It has to be great. I’ve sent four (4) reminder emails.”

A fifth reminder email is scheduled for tomorrow. Subject line: “REMINDER (FINAL FINAL) (PLATES).”