Restroom Task Force Issues Costume Bathroom Guidelines: ‘Plan Like a Pilot, Hydrate Like a Marathoner’

AUSTIN — The city’s Restroom Task Force released its annual Costume Bathroom Guidelines on Tuesday, a 12-page document officials describe as “essential reading” with the tagline: “Plan like a pilot, hydrate like a marathoner, unzip like there’s no tomorrow.”

The guidelines, now in their fourth year, address what task force director Dr. Helen Voss called “the single most underestimated logistical challenge of Halloween night: the costume bathroom break.”

“People plan their costumes for months,” Voss said. “The wig, the makeup, the prosthetics. And then it’s 9 p.m., they’ve had three (3) apple ciders, and they’re standing in a porta-potty line wearing a 7-foot inflatable dinosaur. Nobody planned for this. We planned for this.”

The guidelines categorize costumes by “restroom difficulty rating,” from Level 1 (“jeans and a cat-ear headband — you’re fine”) to Level 5 (“full-body latex mermaid — bring a buddy, a plan, and a lawyer”). Level 5 costumes, the document notes, require “a minimum 20-minute restroom window and the assistance of at least one (1) trusted friend who has seen things.”

New this year: the “Buddy System Mandate” for inflatable costumes. “If your costume requires continuous inflation, you cannot be alone in a restroom,” Voss said. “The fan, the zipper, the confined space — it’s a physics problem. Last year a man got stuck in a T-rex in a coffee shop bathroom for 45 minutes. The barista had to deflate him. He’s fine now. He’s in therapy, but he’s fine.”

The guidelines also include a hydration schedule (“drink water early, taper by 8 p.m.”), a list of 14 “restroom-friendly” bars and restaurants with single-occupancy facilities, and a detachable emergency card reading: “I AM WEARING A COSTUME. THIS IS TAKING LONGER THAN IT LOOKS. PLEASE BE PATIENT.”

“Print the card,” Voss urged. “Laminate it. Keep it in your candy bag. Future you will thank present you.”

The task force will staff a hotline on Halloween night for “costume restroom emergencies,” defined as “any situation involving a zipper, a fan, or tears.”