Voter Registration Clipboard Sanitizer Squad Wipes Down 1,200 Clipboards; Morale ‘Squeaky’

FAIRVIEW — The county’s Voter Registration Clipboard Sanitizer Squad completed its pre-election mission Tuesday, wiping down 1,200 clipboards across 14 precincts, a feat squad leader Tina Marsh described as “the Sistine Chapel of sanitizing, except horizontal and brown.”

“Every clipboard gets the full treatment,” said Marsh, whose official title is High Chancellor of the Wipe Down. “Front, back, clip mechanism, and the little metal bit that holds the pen. Especially the little metal bit. That’s where the germs throw their parties.”

The squad — six members armed with spray bottles, microfiber cloths, and what Marsh calls “a shared dream of a world without smudges” — worked in pairs, with one wiper and one inspector per clipboard. “The inspector holds it up to the light,” Marsh explained. “If you can see your disappointment in it, it fails.”

The operation was prompted by a 2024 incident in which a voter described a clipboard as “tacky,” a review that, per Marsh, “haunts us still. Tacky. One word. It broke something in us.”

County Clerk Wanda Brill praised the squad’s dedication while noting the clipboard budget — $300 — “does not technically include a sanitizer squad.” “They’re volunteers,” Brill said. “They bought their own spray bottles. Tina embroidered the squad’s name on their polo shirts herself. The shirts say ‘SQUEAKY CLEAN CREW.’ I did not ask her to do that. She just… did.”

Morale, per the squad’s official self-assessment, is “squeaky” — the highest rating on their five-point scale, which runs from “smudged” to “squeaky.”

“People don’t think about the clipboard,” Marsh said, holding one up to the fluorescent light with evident pride. “The clipboard is the first thing a voter touches. It’s the handshake of democracy. And this year, that handshake is squeaky clean. You’re welcome, Fairview.”

Marsh’s “SQUEAKY CLEAN CREW” polo shirts have sparked a waitlist — forty residents want one. “We’re considering merch,” Marsh said. “Proceeds would fund next year’s spray bottles. The dream is a fogger. A whole fogger. Imagine the squeak.”

The fogger arrived Tuesday. “It’s beautiful,” Marsh said, visibly moved. “One pass and a clipboard gleams.” The squad’s first fogged precinct reported “a shine visible from the parking lot.” Morale: “beyond squeaky.”

The squad’s group chat — “Wipe Right” — now holds 200 messages, “mostly shine updates and one heated debate about microfiber versus cotton.” Microfiber won. “It wasn’t close,” Marsh said.

The squad will reconvene the morning after the election for what Marsh calls “the victory wipe.” “Win or lose, the clipboards get cleaned,” she said. “That’s the one promise in politics that always gets kept.”