Citing a ‘manageable erosion of civic trust,’ the Municipal Clock-Fall-Back Committee unveiled its 47-step plan Tuesday for the November 1 end of daylight saving time, a document chairwoman Debra Knelp described as ‘both exhaustive and exhausting, much like the hour itself.’
The plan, printed on 214 pages of recycled bingo cards, assigns specific civic duties to every household, including the mandatory labeling of all oven clocks with the provided ‘Fall-Back Compliance Decal (Form CF-12, Rev. B).’ Residents who fail to affix the decal by midnight face a strongly worded letter, which the committee will mail ‘whenever the postal carrier gets around to it.’
‘We learned from the spring-forward debacle,’ said committee treasurer Ron Billingsley, referencing last March’s incident in which 311 residents arrived at work simultaneously at 8:47 a.m. demanding to know ‘what had happened to the sun.’ ‘This time, we have laminated charts.’
Among the plan’s more ambitious provisions: Step 19 requires the town’s three grandfather clocks to be ‘consulted, not merely adjusted,’ while Step 31 establishes a 24-hour ‘Temporal Regret Hotline’ staffed by volunteers trained to say, ‘Yes, it’s darker now. No, we can’t change it back until March.’
The committee has budgeted $14,000 for the transition, of which $11,200 is earmarked for printing, $2,000 for coffee, and $800 for what the line item calls ‘morale lanterns,’ which treasurer Billingsley admitted ‘are just regular lanterns, but purchased during a moment of despair.’
Public reaction was muted. Local resident Marge Tillman, 64, attended the hearing with a hand-lettered sign reading ‘JUST TELL ME WHAT TIME THE BINGO IS,’ which Knelp praised as ‘exactly the kind of civic engagement Step 44 encourages.’
The final step, Step 47, reads simply: ‘Revisit in March. Bring better snacks.’
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