Drone Patrol to Monitor Residents Who ‘Fall Back’ Into Unapproved Napping

The municipal Drone Patrol announced Tuesday it will deploy 12 drones over fall-back weekend to monitor residents who ‘fall back’ into unapproved napping, part of what the patrol calls ‘Operation Wide Awake.’

‘The extra hour is a napping hazard,’ said Drone Patrol commander Chip Mallory, who also serves as KQBX news director. ‘Sixty free minutes, a dark living room, a comfortable couch — it’s a recipe for unconsciousness. We’re here to help.’

The drones, equipped with thermal cameras and loudspeakers, will circle residential neighborhoods during the encore hour, broadcasting reminders like ‘STAY VERTICAL’ and ‘THE HOUR IS FOR PRODUCTIVITY, NOT PILLOWS.’

Residents who are detected napping will receive a friendly flyover, a printed notice reading ‘You Were Observed Resting,’ and a pamphlet titled ‘So You Fell Back: A Guide to Waking Up With Dignity.’

Civil liberties advocates have raised concerns, which Mallory dismissed. ‘We’re not stopping anyone from napping,’ he said. ‘We’re just watching them nap, from the sky, with cameras. There’s a difference. Our lawyers assure us there’s a difference.’

The patrol’s budget includes $8,000 for drone maintenance and $200 for ‘apology cookies,’ to be distributed to residents ‘who were napping for legitimate medical reasons, or who just looked really peaceful.’