School District Moves Morning Announcements to 8:40, Which Everyone Agrees Is ‘A Haunted Time Now’

The school district announced Tuesday that morning announcements will move to 8:40 a.m. for the duration of the post-fall-back adjustment period, a time that students, teachers, and the district superintendent all agree is ‘haunted now.’

‘Eight-forty used to be a normal time,’ said Superintendent Dr. Lena Vasquez. ‘But after the clocks fall back, 8:40 feels like 7:40 wearing a disguise. Everyone can tell. The hallways know.’

The district’s ‘Temporal Adjustment Protocol’ includes dimmed hallway lighting ‘to ease the transition,’ a 10-minute ‘collective blinking period’ at the start of first period, and a new policy allowing students to answer roll call with ‘present-ish.’

Teachers report that the first week after the fall-back is ‘academically theoretical,’ with one high school physics teacher noting that his students ‘understood time dilation perfectly for the first time, because they were living it.’

The cafeteria will serve breakfast ‘until whenever,’ according to the new schedule, and the morning announcements will conclude with the district’s official fall-back affirmation: ‘It is 8:40. It is fine. We are all fine.’

‘My homeroom just stares at the clock now,’ said teacher Paula Dempsey. ‘Not at 8:40. At the concept of time. I’ve stopped teaching and started facilitating.’