Greeting Card Photo Committee Rejects 47 Submissions for Mismatched Sweaters

SALT LAKE CITY — The Holiday Portrait Approval Panel has rejected 47 family photo submissions for this year’s greeting cards, citing “mismatched sweaters” as the leading cause in what the Panel called “an epidemic of uncoordinated knitwear.”

The Panel, a volunteer body that reviews holiday card photos for “compositional harmony” since 2009, evaluates submissions on color coordination, genuine smiles, and what its guidelines call “the squint factor” — the percentage of subjects squinting into the sun, which must not exceed 20%.

“We received a photo of eight people wearing seven different shades of red,” said Panel Chair Diane Marsh, 60, a former portrait photographer who now judges family photos with the gravity of an Olympic official. “Seven. Reds. There is crimson, there is burgundy, there is whatever that uncle was wearing, which I can only describe as ‘raspberry-adjacent.’ It looked like a crime scene at a yarn store.”

The Panel’s standards are exacting: coordinated (not matching — “matching is for uniforms, coordinated is for families”), no more than three dominant colors, all subjects facing the camera (“we see you, toddler looking at the dog”), and “at least the appearance of enjoyment, even if the photo required three bribes and a threat.”

Mismatched sweaters accounted for 31 of the 47 rejections. Other causes included: “mysterious floating hand” (4 rejections), “dog photobomb, aggressive” (6 rejections — “the dog was not in the background, the dog was the photo”), “everyone blinking simultaneously” (3 rejections, “statistically remarkable, photographically useless”), and “visible thermostat war” (2 rejections — “one person in a parka, one in short sleeves, the family is clearly divided”).

Rejected families may resubmit after addressing the Panel’s notes, which are delivered with what Marsh called “constructive kindness.” A typical note reads: “Lovely family. Beautiful light. The sweaters are having separate conversations. Please try again.”

The Panel also issued its annual “card photo commandments,” including: “Thou shalt not use a photo from 2019” (“we can tell — the kids have grown, Brenda”), “Thou shalt not Photoshop in absent family members without disclosure” (“the floating cousin incident of 2022”), and “Thou shalt proofread the names” (“it is ‘its,’ not ‘it’s,’ and your own children’s names should be spelled correctly”).

Approved photos receive the Panel’s Gold Frame Seal, suitable for printing on cards, ornaments, and “that one aunt’s Facebook page, where it will be shared 400 times.” Submissions close December 1. “Dress warmly,” Marsh advised. “Coordinate. And for heaven’s sake, check on the dog.”