Clocks Fall Back; Local Ovens Confused, Blinking 12:00 in Four Time Zones

Local ovens were thrown into what appliance experts are calling ‘a state of temporal confusion’ this week as residents began pre-adjusting for the November 1 fall-back, with at least 200 ovens now blinking 12:00 across as many as four simultaneous time zones.

‘The oven doesn’t understand the concept of falling back,’ said appliance repair technician Big Mike Donnelly, who has fielded 63 oven-clock calls this month. ‘You press the buttons, it blinks, you press them again, it blinks differently. It’s not a clock. It’s a cry for help with a heating element.’

The hardest-hit demographic is residents over 60, who report that their ovens have been blinking 12:00 ‘since the Clinton administration’ and that the fall-back merely ‘adds a second layer of blinking.’

‘My oven currently believes it is 12:00 in Eastern, Central, Mountain, and also 1987,’ said retiree Harold Finch, 71. ‘I just cook by smell now. The turkey is always a surprise.’

Donnelly advises residents to consult their oven manuals, most of which were ‘thrown away during the move in 2004,’ or to simply ‘accept the blink,’ a philosophy he says has brought peace to thousands.

The county’s Microwave Clock Reset Hotline has announced it will begin taking oven calls ‘under protest’ starting November 2. ‘We’re already weeping,’ said operator Sheila Vargas. ‘Now we’ll be weeping about ovens.’