DST Transition Committee Apologizes for Spring Forward, Offers Fall Back as ‘Consolation Hour’

In a rare moment of governmental contrition, the DST Transition Committee issued a formal apology Tuesday for last March’s spring-forward, describing the lost hour as ‘a clerical error of the cosmos’ and offering the November 1 fall-back as ‘a consolation hour, no refunds on the spring one.’

‘We took an hour from you in March,’ said committee chair Debra Knelp, reading from a prepared statement. ‘We are giving it back in November. This is not the same hour. That hour is gone. This is a replacement hour. Please stop asking where the original went.’

The apology, printed on heavy cardstock, includes a coupon redeemable for ‘one (1) guilt-free nap, valid during the encore hour of 2:00 a.m.,’ which Knelp described as ‘the government’s first-ever nap-based reparations program.’

Public response to the apology was cautiously optimistic. ‘I appreciate the acknowledgment,’ said resident Tom Ellery. ‘In March they just took the hour and left a note that said ‘see you never.’ At least now there’s cardstock.’

The committee also announced a new ‘Spring-Forward Truth and Reconciliation Listening Tour,’ during which officials will travel to all 12 districts and listen to residents describe ‘where they were when the hour was taken.’

‘We expect a lot of crying,’ Knelp said. ‘We have budgeted for tissues. The tissues are in the budget under morale lanterns. Everything is morale lanterns now.’