Patio Inspector Resigns in Protest After Sunset ‘Leaves Without Notice’

Patio Inspector Ron Billingsley resigned Tuesday in protest, submitting a two-sentence letter stating that the November 1 fall-back ‘has stolen the patio’s purpose’ and that he ‘refuses to inspect a slab of concrete in the dark.’

‘A patio is a promise,’ Billingsley said, turning in his clipboard and his official Patio Inspector windbreaker. ‘A promise of golden-hour seating, of 6 p.m. sunlight on a cold drink. The fall-back breaks that promise. I will not be party to it.’

Billingsley, who has inspected 4,000 patios over 22 years, was known for his rigorous standards, including the famous ‘three-finger sunlight test’ and his zero-tolerance policy on ‘patios that face a parking lot and pretend they don’t.’

Deputy Patio Inspector Marge Tillman will assume his duties on an interim basis. ‘Ron’s heart was always on the patio,’ Tillman said. ‘Literally. He had a patio chair in his office. He ate lunch on it. In February.’

The Patio Inspector’s office will operate on reduced hours through March, conducting inspections ‘by lantern light, under protest,’ according to Tillman’s first official memo.

Billingsley plans to spend the winter ‘sitting on his own patio, in the dark, remembering.’ He has requested that his windbreaker be retired and hung in the office ‘facing west, toward the last light.’