The Regional Buffet Authority announced Tuesday it will extend breakfast service by one hour during fall-back weekend, calling the move ‘the People’s Compromise’ and ‘the least we can do, given that we control the eggs.’
‘The people are losing daylight. We are giving them an hour of breakfast,’ said Authority chairwoman Marge Tillman, who also serves as interim Deputy Patio Inspector. ‘This is the social contract. This is what the steam trays are for.’
The extended breakfast will run from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m., instead of the usual 6 to 10, with the bonus hour designated ‘the Encore Omelet Hour,’ during which the omelet chef ‘will make eye contact with you and remember your order, which is the real miracle.’
The Authority’s 12 member buffets have pledged to keep the bacon lamps lit ‘until the last customer stops believing in mornings,’ and to refrain from switching to lunch ‘even one minute early, under penalty of public shaming.’
Nutritionists have praised the move, noting that the extra hour of breakfast ‘provides a structured reason to be awake during the encore hour, which beats staring at the ceiling.’
‘I was going to spend the extra hour anxious,’ said resident Tom Ellery. ‘Now I’m going to spend it at the buffet. This is the best government program I’ve ever used.’
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