Squirrel Appreciation Parade Accidentally Crowns a Raccoon Grand Marshal

LAKESIDE — Organizers of Saturday’s 12th Annual Squirrel Appreciation Parade are calling the event a “resounding success with one notable personnel issue” after the parade’s Grand Marshal turned out to be a raccoon in a squirrel costume.

The raccoon, who rode the lead float for the full 1.4-mile route, was discovered only when it attempted to open a trash can during the closing ceremony on Elm Street and “demonstrated a level of dexterity no squirrel has ever achieved,” according to parade chairwoman Marge Ellison.

“In hindsight, the tail was too ringed,” Ellison admitted. “But the costume was excellent. We’d honestly like to commission the tailor.”

An Unforgettable Reign

Witnesses described the raccoon as “charismatic” and “surprisingly dignified.” Children waved. The high school marching band played on. At one point the Grand Marshal stood on its hind legs and appeared to conduct the brass section, a moment Ellison called “the highlight of the parade’s history.”

Squirrel purists were less moved. “This was supposed to be OUR day,” said local squirrel enthusiast Dale Krennic, 54, who attends the parade annually wearing a hand-knit acorn hat. “Next they’ll let a possum carry the banner. Where does it end?”

The raccoon has since been relocated to a wooded area near Miller Farm, where officials say it has already been spotted wearing what appears to be a tiny mayoral sash.

Reforms Promised

The parade committee voted unanimously to add a species-verification step to next year’s Grand Marshal selection process, which will include a tail inspection and a brief interview.

“We are not anti-raccoon,” Ellison stressed. “We simply ask that raccoons attend as guests, not as leadership. There’s a Squirrel Appreciation Parade and there is order.”