Yard Sign Setback Wars: County Enforces 14-Inch Rule, Residents Measure in Spite

MAPLE COUNTY — The Yard Sign Placement Enforcement Bureau has begun its annual autumn offensive, and this year the weapon of choice is a 30-foot ceremonial tape measure wielded by chief inspector Dale Wurmbrand, a man who describes himself as neutral on politics but deeply opinionated about inches.

At issue is County Ordinance 14-B, which requires all campaign signage to sit a minimum of 14 inches from the curb face. Last Tuesday, Wurmbrand’s three-person team flagged 212 signs across four townships, including one belonging to his own brother-in-law, which he cited with what witnesses described as visible relish.

The rules are clear, Wurmbrand said, snapping the tape measure shut for emphasis. Fourteen inches is fourteen inches. We do not round up. We do not eyeball. We measure twice and cite once.

Residents have responded with what the Bureau calls spite compliance. Marge Tillinghast of Possum Hollow Road moved her signs to exactly 14.0 inches and then ringed them with garden gnomes holding miniature rulers. I am within the law, she said. The gnomes are merely decorative. They are also, technically, not signs, which the ordinance does not address, a loophole her neighbor calls infuriating and her attorney calls beautiful.

The Bureau has also cracked down on sign stacking, the practice of placing one sign directly behind another to create what Wurmbrand termed a sign sandwich of questionable legality. Seventeen households received warnings. One homeowner, asked for comment, simply rotated his signs 90 degrees and walked back inside.

Meanwhile, the County Sign Recycling Task Force has begun collecting signs from losing campaigns, which by tradition may be claimed by anyone needing a very ugly sled. The Task Force reports 400 signs collected and zero volunteers willing to cut the zip ties, a labor dispute now entering its second week.

We have the signs, said task force volunteer Ron Peeples. We have the scissors. What we lack is the will. He then sat down, which the task force minutes record as a motion to adjourn, seconded by exhaustion.

The Bureau’s enforcement season runs through Election Day, after which all signs must be removed within 72 hours, a deadline Wurmbrand enforces with what he calls the pickup truck of justice. Residents are advised to measure early, measure often, and under no circumstances attempt to bribe the tape measure.