Municipal Scarecrow Registry Hits 10,000 Entries; Officials Admit ‘We Lost Count of the Crows’

MILLTOWN — The state’s Municipal Scarecrow Registry has officially surpassed 10,000 registered scarecrows, prompting officials to admit that they have “completely lost count of the crows” the scarecrows were built to deter.

“The registry was created to track scarecrow deployment,” explained Registrar of Rural Sentinels Brenda Puckett, 57, the self-appointed Director of Festive Morale who now oversees the program. “What it has become is the most comprehensive database of straw-based human effigies in the tri-county area. We have scarecrows shaped like farmers, scarecrows shaped like celebrities, and one scarecrow shaped like a smaller scarecrow. The recursion concerns me.”

Under state law, all scarecrows exceeding three feet in height must be registered within 14 days of construction. Owners must provide the scarecrow’s name, primary deterrent target, and what the form calls “menace rating” — a scale from 1 (mildly unsettling) to 10 (local children have filed complaints).

“We had a scarecrow last month with a menace rating of 9,” Puckett said, consulting a thick binder. “It was seven feet tall, had red yarn for eyes, and was holding a real rake. The crows were terrified. The mail carrier was also terrified. We had to have a conversation with the owner about proportional response.”

The registry’s data has yielded unexpected insights. Tuesday is the most popular day for scarecrow construction. The most common scarecrow name is “Fred.” And crows, according to the state’s top ornithologist, Dr. Alan Weiss, 61, “do not appear to care about any of this.”

“We’ve monitored 400 registered scarecrows over three seasons,” Weiss said. “Crow deterrence rates are statistically indistinguishable from zero. The crows perch on them. They nap on them. One crow built a nest inside a scarecrow’s head. The scarecrow was named Fred. The crow is also now named Fred. It’s a whole situation.”

Puckett remains undaunted. “The registry was never about the crows,” she said firmly. “It was about knowing where the scarecrows are. Before the registry, scarecrows were just appearing. Overnight. In fields. No paperwork. It was chaos. Beautiful, straw-filled chaos, but chaos.”

The registry’s annual report, released Friday, notes that scarecrow-related incidents are down 12 percent, though Puckett concedes this may be because “we finally defined what a scarecrow-related incident is.” The definition, printed on page 47, includes “any event in which a scarecrow is a witness, a participant, or the primary cause of confusion.”

Registration for the fall season closes October 31st. “After that, any unregistered scarecrow is technically a squatter,” Puckett said. “We don’t want to evict anyone’s Fred. Register your straw people. It’s the law, and frankly, it’s the decent thing to do.”